I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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