I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
