My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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