you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vagina just clenched in fear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
