Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
