apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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