I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
