I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
