census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
