I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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