I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
