I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
