apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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