I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
