why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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