So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
