There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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