I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
