omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
