you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
