being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
