I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
