haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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