Ketchup is God's man juice
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
