i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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