Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
