Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
