Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
