Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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