Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize