When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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