the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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