I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish i was in the wii world.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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