Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
