so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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