i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what day is it and did you see me today?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
