I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
