i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I pour the whiskey from now on
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
