apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
