just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
