she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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