I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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