I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
