He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
