So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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