I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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