I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
