if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the day after is always just damage control
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Houston, we have a squirter
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
