i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
