your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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