I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
