I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
