hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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