So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
