There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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