He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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