did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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