I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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