i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
