If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
