I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
