She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
