You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
