Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
