Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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