I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
